i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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