Pass out mid-funnel last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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