dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
