I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
