Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize