guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize