He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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