maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Acid is not a monday night drug
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
