You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
