Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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