I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had sex on a roof
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
