pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
