Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
