Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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