Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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