Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
