I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
