she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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