The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
