I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
