I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
