The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
