I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
