sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
