The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
