i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
whose parrot is this?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
