these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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