i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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