CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's great music for shaving your balls
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
