My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
