youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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