Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
