she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
