Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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