Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
