Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My ass is underappreciated
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
