Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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