I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
this hospital has no fireball
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
