the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
