i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
