I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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