I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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