so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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