You really coming over, don't trick.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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