I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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