Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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