super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
