so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
