Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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