never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
