So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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