sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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