Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know her cup size but not her name....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
