You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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