Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
