I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize