I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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