I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
