she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
